Devastated beyond words

Left- Essie and I pose for a READ poster

I would like to be posting puppy pics right now. And I will do so, I promise.

However, I started this blog for people to follow the journey of the Dynamic Dozen and to get a peek into the world of dogs. I would be remiss in not sharing the good, the bad, and the flat out ugly.

Last night I lost the best dog I have ever bred. On Sunday Essie was bouncing and silly as always. Yesterday morning, she was fine -- the boys did dogs and she ate and went outside as she always does. Yesterday afternoon she went out for her potties as she always does. Last night about 7 I returned home from the last day of work and the end of year golf tourney and she had diarreah in her crate. I felt horrid! I took her out and immediately saw that she was not well. On the way to the back door, she collapsed. I gave her 20ccs of oral rehydration/dextrose solution and got help loading her in the car. I drove to the emergency clinic -- there are really only one good one here. She was completely lethargic and limp -- on the way there I thought I had lost her.

I ran tests, gave fluids, and watched as Essie threw up blood, convulsed, and faded.

It is with massive tears that I say -- My dear one did not make it.

I am a woman who works through her grief in words. Essie was A'Dell's Essentially True -- she was all that was good and just in the dog world. She was tender and intuitive and beautiful and the emotion and anger and frustration can not replace the fact that the dog who has my heart has left me.

I came home last night to 12 beautiful babies. Bittersweet does not express it fully. This dog held my heart from the moment she arrived in this world. I fed her babies and cried.

I have to say this: When I was driving to her c-section I said to my mom that I had a horrible feeling this was all I would get from her. I prayed and begged her to wake up from anesthesia. And last night I prayed for her not to die. Finally, I whispered in her ear that she could go if she needed, I would not ask her to stay and feel the way that she did.

I know that there are people who will not understand .... but this dog was not my whole life -- she merely made my life whole.

Today I will try to function and feed her babies. I will remain thankful that I have 12 priceless pieces of the most captivating dog I have ever had. She was not perfect but she was absolutely perfect to me.

Essie, sleep well my dear.